Christmas is(n't) Christmas...

First of all I just wanna wish all of you, MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS to all! I hope you guys are out there having fun! Because there's no reason why you shouldn't be having fun.

Just my two cents on this year's Christmas for me...is definitely different. Spending Christmas far away from home, friends and family is really quite an experience. Especially if you're going to spend it at a place where nobody celebrates Christmas, let alone understand the true meaning of Christmas. 

During Christmas, usually i'll be busy feasting on honey baked ham and turkey, while for the first time I had steamboat (or hot pot) during Christmas! So strange! And on Christmas eve, i'll probably be counting down to Christmas with my friends, but I'm actually sitting here at home typing this entry out. 

Pardon me, don't get me wrong I know I might sound a little bitter about it, but nonetheless, it's an experience that I'd definitely keep it with me for a long time. 

"Christmas isn't Christmas if it doesn't happen in your heart". This phrase is so applicable at the current point of my life. It would be even more difficult to feel Christmas if the air of Christmas is not singing through your surroundings and when you feel as if you're celebrating it alone.

Picture this. Imagine a dark, cold and silent winter night, with a glass of red wine in hand, laying on a soft, plush cushioned couch, listening to christmas sound tracks such as 'Have yourself a Merry little Christmas' by Cold Play at the comfort of your home. This was the picture i drew in my mind, each time I thought of Christmas. 

But since I'm actually having a glimpse of what i always thought i might spend Christmas someday, i believe it would be more ideal if it's still spent with your loved ones. 

Introspecting on my current mood and feelings, it's hard enough to even remember to wish people I meet,"Merry Christmas!" Pretty unorthodox for a person who enjoys Christmas most.

Anyway, wherever I am or will be, Christmas is Christmas because it's the birth of my Lord Jesus Christ and in remembrance of Him for what He has done for me and mankind - Happy Birthday! 

Happy holidays and season greetings to all! Enjoy your hearts out everyone!

New toy and mind games

So i've been unrelentingly trying to start a new blog, well i have already started a new blog. It's in livejournal by the way, but you know screw china and their damn net nanny. 

I just cannot bring myself to understand the rationale of blocking livejournal, why block livejournal? Anyway, just for holding purposes i'd just post a few entries here since its the most accessible, even though im using a proxy to type this entry out. Really. Crazy.

It's been 3 months since i've been away from motherland. Never in my entire life have i been away for that long and this experience is rather...interestingly foreign. So, each time i actually leave home, i always feel as if i'd leave a part of me in Singapore then live in this whole new reality that seemed more of a fantasy of its own. 

But since being away for 3 months is not a time too short, this fantasy becomes reality and i realise, hey i'm actually living in china. No parents, no friends that i used to hang out all the time. Its living life on a clean slate, only problem, you just don't know where to start.

If you want to know how's it like for me here. My feelings are rather temperamental and erratic. Some days you feel nothing, some days you realised you've been thinking about home too much and sometimes you might even think to yourself, 'Why the hell am i doing this to myself?' 

Enough said about my feelings, not going to change anything either. So my personal opinion about Dalian. It may not be very accurate but I can vouch that there are people who share the exact sentiments. Metaphorically speaking, Dalian's a newly purchased toy.  For the first few days, you want to play with it and you definitely want to explore the functions of this, in hope that you might find something distinct and really cool about it. 

So days passed and maybe just mere hours, you might think you've found something cool, something you could hang on to that will keep you playing the toy just a little while longer. But all it was, just a delusion of that everybody wants you to believe in. So the moment you wake up from this delusion, 'poof!', novelty's gone.

Like listening to a song on loop, it gets distasteful and finally deafening after awhile and you just wanna trash it.

However, it would be unfair to just criticise on the negative points. I guess i have my fair share of fun when i first came here. I loved the weather, its nice and cold. And I've made some really good friends here, while supposed friends are becoming strangers. 

Drats! I really wished i could fill you in about my life here in Dalian. But I've got a meeting to attend in a couple of minutes and if i was in a better state of mind, this entry would seem a little more sensible and humane. 

As mixed up as this entry seems, so is the fella typing this out.